Empathy is when you can understand another person’s pain and circumstance, whereas compassion is one step more than empathy. It is when you not only understand another person’s feelings but are also there to act and help them, motivate and support them in some way; now it is compassion.
What if I say sometimes compassion is not just limited to serving or helping others? Instead, paradoxically, compassion could be a highly selfish act. Without indulging in a debate of whether all altruistic acts of humans are truly selfless or not and overintellectualizing this article, let’s talk about day-to-day scenarios and how compassion can be self-serving, hence a magic tool for someone narcissistic.
Defining Narcissistic Compassion
It’s a manipulative behavior exercised by someone narcissistic. They appear to show buckets full of concern, care, and compassion for others quite explicitly, but implicitly, their inner motives are primarily self-centered. They use compassion and kindness as tools to gain admiration, and validation and a strategy to stand out.
4 Signs of Narcissistic Compassion
It can be a challenging task to recognize narcissistic compassion. As I said, at the very surface level, the act of empathy and compassion appears genuine, but you can catch them because of the inconsistency and subtlety by looking at nuances. Let me put more substance to it. Read the following signs
1. Inconsistency
You know, they only seem to care when it benefits them. Like, they’ll be all supportive and kind to someone who’s suddenly unpopular, but for most folks, they couldn’t care less.
Their concern, acts of kindness, and empathy depend on the audience they are surrounded by; therefore, it becomes inconsistent because audiences are not going to be the same every time. An individual only shows concern and offers support when it directly impacts their image.
For instance, some people, for genuine reasons, are against someone. Suddenly, our narcissist appears as a hero and shower all the kindness, empathy, and compassion on the person who is on the red list in everybody’s eyes. As it can help them to stand out with their act of kindness and it can make things appear grand. However, you may observe that they don’t show such empathy and concern for everybody.
2. Manipulation
Ya, they’re always there to help, but it’s like they keep a scorecard, you know? They’ll bring up what they’ve done for you whenever they want something in return.
Narcissists might use their acts of kindness, compassion, and help to gain control over others and manipulate situations in their favor in the future by leveraging how they were there for you. For instance, a romantic partner constantly offers help and support but always uses their acts of help as a means to guilt-trip their partner into compliance or to control their actions.
3. Grandiose Gestures
They love making a big show of things. Like, they’ll buy these extravagant gifts or make these huge public displays just to show off how amazing they are.
Over-the-top gifts, extreme sacrifices, public appearances for support—essentially showcasing empathy and compassion grandly and exceptionally to boost oneself and create the impression of being the sole contributor, as in ‘It was me who did that.’ Social media displays of donating to charity emphasize how generous they are.
4. Seeking Validation
They’re constantly fishing for compliments and praise, always talking about the good things they’ve done. It’s like they need everyone to see how ‘generous’ they are.
Constantly and actively or passively mentioning all your kind and helpful acts, putting them out on social media, and continually seeking acknowledgment and admiration for their compassion and generosity from peers and their social circle.
Impact of Narcissistic Compassion
Impact On Offender
- Constant need to maintain self-image
- Hypersensitivity towards criticism as it always feels like a threat to self
- Lack of fulfillment because self-serving motives lack emotional depth
- Lack of Genuine connection; Individuals realise everybody leaves them for no good reason
Impact on Affected
- Confusion, as narcissistic compassion is inconsistent and situation-specific, which creates confusion and creates mixed signals.
- Mistrust; individuals struggle to trust the person exercising narcissistic compassion,
- Self-doubt and conflict; may also change an individual’s perception towards others and their genuine kind acts and help which can elicit self-doubt. They feel hesitant or become skeptical about accepting genuine help and support from others
Conclusion
Narcissistic compassion is a form of self-serving kindness, and exhibition of helpful acts and generosity that actually impact both the offender and the affected in the long run, recognizing this helps navigate relationships and discern authentic empathy, support, and care.